I hate student loans. Correction, I hate Sallie Mae. When I went to culinary school I got all of my loans through Sallie Mae. Some of them were federal loans and most of them were private loans. My federal loans are currently all bundled together under a blanket with my loans from ISU patiently waiting for next September when repayment starts. My private loans, on the other hand, are making me crazy.
Today I accidentally left my phone at home. Usually, I take my phone with me to work and turn it off when I am working. But today it was at home. When I got home I had seven, S.E.V.E.N, missed calls all from Sallie Mae. They have been harassing me over the past month because my private loans are $1800 past due. I know you are thinking, "Wow Luanne that is so many months of not paying your loans." No, no, only two. You see Sallie Mae thinks that I can afford $700/month payments. They won't work with me on refinancing and won't budge on anything. I have tried forbearing my loans in the past but can't do it now. Pretty much I'm screwed. Today I dealt with Sallie Mae for a while and was so upset by the end. I decided to take a shower to help cool me off.
In my shower I thought about a lot of stuff. I want to share.
The original plan:
When Michael and I got married in Dec. '06 we decided we would have Michael go to one more year of schooling at ISU and start having babies! We would then move to Cali in Aug..ish '08 so he could start school for his MGD.
What actually happened:
We came to Emeryville to check out Michael's school in July '07. We decided, since we were in the neighborhood, we would check out my school. They recommended me to start school Oct. of that same year. After much thought and prayer we decided to put off the baby thing until Michael got a job after school, we packed up all our possessions, and moved away from our families and the only place we've ever really known to expensive California. I started school right away and Michael soon followed.
Moving to California when we did was the best thing that has ever happened to us. Living in Idaho for another year would have been a waste of time and money at ISU. We needed to move away from family. We needed to get to know each other better and learn to trust each other before we start a family. We needed to meet the people we have met. We needed to get to know people that have given Michael so much advice about applying in the industry. And the biggest thing is I NEEDED to finish school. I can't emphasize enough how much I needed to finish school. I know it was important, no matter what I went to school for, and I wouldn't of done it if we had a baby.
So you see. Us going to Cali when we did and me going to school were essential in our lives. So, in my mind, it's only logical that going to the CCA was a good step in my path. I know that it wasn't accident that we decided to visit my school while we were down here visiting.
Drawing these two points together:
I know Heavenly Father creates good times and trials in our lives. I know that through trials we grow and become better. But why did I go to a school that I can't and never will be able to afford? I'm 22 and Michael is 25 and we are inches away from screwing up our credit. I know that in 10 years from know I will remember this blog and my shower today and laugh because this trial I am going through right now will make a lot of sense. But it's hard right now.
I do want to end by saying that because I went to school I will be blessed for the rest of my life. Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and will take care of me and my family because Michael and I listened to the spirit. I can't deny that.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I forget what number I'm on.
Today was Easter Sunday in our ward. I'm really disappointed because I was so distracted with other things that I couldn't even concentrate on anything. But the one thing I was able to concentrate on was Primary. This month in Primary we are learning the song Follow the Prophet. We have learned Adam, Daniel, and a made up verse of Joseph Smith.
Joseph Smith, the prophet, he's a man we love.
With of faith undaunted, prayed to God above.
When the heavens opened God showed him the way.
To restore the gospel in the latter day.
Today we learned the made up verse of President Monson.
Thomas Spencer Monson
Prophet of our day.
We must always listen
to what he has to say.
He warns us of evil
Tells us what is right.
Tells us to serve others.
Serve with all your might.
My idea in learning the verse was as follows:
I had 12 ties. Each tie represented an apostle. So if the kids sang the other songs well they became an apostle. On the back of each tie was a line of the verse. Each apostle taught us that line and we learned the verse.
I love ideas like this. The kids are involved and loving it. That's all I ask for.
Joseph Smith, the prophet, he's a man we love.
With of faith undaunted, prayed to God above.
When the heavens opened God showed him the way.
To restore the gospel in the latter day.
Today we learned the made up verse of President Monson.
Thomas Spencer Monson
Prophet of our day.
We must always listen
to what he has to say.
He warns us of evil
Tells us what is right.
Tells us to serve others.
Serve with all your might.
My idea in learning the verse was as follows:
I had 12 ties. Each tie represented an apostle. So if the kids sang the other songs well they became an apostle. On the back of each tie was a line of the verse. Each apostle taught us that line and we learned the verse.
I love ideas like this. The kids are involved and loving it. That's all I ask for.
Friday, March 26, 2010
#17 Jury Duty
If anyone has talked to me or heard from me in the last month you would know that I was a member of a jury. You could probably take it one step further and say that I love it. I just wanted to share my experience; mostly because it's really weighing on my mind.
I reacted how anyone does when I opened the mail box and saw an envelope marked "jury summons." I did what every good American should do, though, and I went Wednesday March 3rd. I had to report to the courthouse in Hayward. For those who are not Bay Area savvy, Hayward is about 20 minutes from where I live. I reported to a very large room with several hundred other bay areaens. After the courthouse workers got settled they started by showing us a really cheesy movie about how awesome serving on a jury was. I rolled my eyes and went back to my crosswords.
Not too long after the movie the workers called their first group of 90 people; I was part of that group. We were to go downstairs and report to Dept. 511. In Dept. 511 the judge prepped us on what the case was about and we were instructed to fill out a questionnaire and meet back on Monday, the 11th.
Monday, the 11th was a long day. They questioned almost all 90 people, the same questions bare in mind, before the jury was actually selected. Needless to say we were all caught off gaurd when the clerk swore in the new jury.
The case was about the killing, beating to death, of a three year old little girl. Through testimony we heard the injuries she had and the possible ways they could have happened. We learned about bruising, broken bones, pain, CPR, medical response, and old injuries compared to new. We saw pictures both "good" and bad. We heard a neighbor who couldn't speak English and kept contradicting herself. We heard from a 9 year old witness who was only 4 when it happened. Through all this we heard the DA give her case and we heard the defense plant reasonable doubt in our minds. This was all good and we pulled the majority of our decision from the above witnesses. The hardest part was when the mother of this little girl and the boyfriend/defendant gave their testimonies. Their testimonies of what happened the week she died were different. Two totally different stories. We spent the majority of our time in deliberation deciding what part of their testimonies was true and what part was a lie. We had to go back and listen to several testimonies. We debated, debated, debated. I sat open minded and to tell you the truth I was almost one of the last ones to agree with the majority.
Yesterday was so hard. I think it's when I realized that someone wasn't going to come in and say, "Good job guys. This was just a test. This whole situation was made up." It's when I realized that a little girl really did get beat to death. It's when I realized the sad little life she was living and understood why Heavenly Father felt she was better off with him. It's also when I realized that my decision might or might not put a man in jail for the rest of his life. No matter what, though, I had to make that decision. We decided on guilty. It was undeniable and we all sat in silence for a good minute after we made that decision.
When we went back into the courtroom to read the verdict my emotions were high. There are three very distinct things that will be etched into my mind forever.
1-Walking in and seeing the mother with here parents on either side. Her head was down and she looked like she was praying.
2-The defendant looked as if he was holding his breath.
3-When the clerk was reading the verdict; the defendant dropped his head and his attorney started to comfort him.
We then had to each state that we agreed with the verdict. I remember at one point the sweet prosecuting attorney saw my tears. She looked at me with understanding and I could tell she was saying it would all be ok. I feel good about the decision.
I'm so glad I met the people I did. I'm really sad that I'm not going to be spending any more time with a group of people that I became so close to.
I reacted how anyone does when I opened the mail box and saw an envelope marked "jury summons." I did what every good American should do, though, and I went Wednesday March 3rd. I had to report to the courthouse in Hayward. For those who are not Bay Area savvy, Hayward is about 20 minutes from where I live. I reported to a very large room with several hundred other bay areaens. After the courthouse workers got settled they started by showing us a really cheesy movie about how awesome serving on a jury was. I rolled my eyes and went back to my crosswords.
Not too long after the movie the workers called their first group of 90 people; I was part of that group. We were to go downstairs and report to Dept. 511. In Dept. 511 the judge prepped us on what the case was about and we were instructed to fill out a questionnaire and meet back on Monday, the 11th.
Monday, the 11th was a long day. They questioned almost all 90 people, the same questions bare in mind, before the jury was actually selected. Needless to say we were all caught off gaurd when the clerk swore in the new jury.
The case was about the killing, beating to death, of a three year old little girl. Through testimony we heard the injuries she had and the possible ways they could have happened. We learned about bruising, broken bones, pain, CPR, medical response, and old injuries compared to new. We saw pictures both "good" and bad. We heard a neighbor who couldn't speak English and kept contradicting herself. We heard from a 9 year old witness who was only 4 when it happened. Through all this we heard the DA give her case and we heard the defense plant reasonable doubt in our minds. This was all good and we pulled the majority of our decision from the above witnesses. The hardest part was when the mother of this little girl and the boyfriend/defendant gave their testimonies. Their testimonies of what happened the week she died were different. Two totally different stories. We spent the majority of our time in deliberation deciding what part of their testimonies was true and what part was a lie. We had to go back and listen to several testimonies. We debated, debated, debated. I sat open minded and to tell you the truth I was almost one of the last ones to agree with the majority.
Yesterday was so hard. I think it's when I realized that someone wasn't going to come in and say, "Good job guys. This was just a test. This whole situation was made up." It's when I realized that a little girl really did get beat to death. It's when I realized the sad little life she was living and understood why Heavenly Father felt she was better off with him. It's also when I realized that my decision might or might not put a man in jail for the rest of his life. No matter what, though, I had to make that decision. We decided on guilty. It was undeniable and we all sat in silence for a good minute after we made that decision.
When we went back into the courtroom to read the verdict my emotions were high. There are three very distinct things that will be etched into my mind forever.
1-Walking in and seeing the mother with here parents on either side. Her head was down and she looked like she was praying.
2-The defendant looked as if he was holding his breath.
3-When the clerk was reading the verdict; the defendant dropped his head and his attorney started to comfort him.
We then had to each state that we agreed with the verdict. I remember at one point the sweet prosecuting attorney saw my tears. She looked at me with understanding and I could tell she was saying it would all be ok. I feel good about the decision.
I'm so glad I met the people I did. I'm really sad that I'm not going to be spending any more time with a group of people that I became so close to.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
#16 And the verdict is...
Coming! We started deliberation today and it is so exciting! I FINALLY get to talk about this case that has been driving me crazy. The twelve of us are able to sit down and have a good discussion about things that seem minimal but are really super important to the case. I highly recommend people electing themselves to be on a jury if they are ever called for selection because it is an awesome experience.
I can't wait to tell you more about the case....sort of.
I can't wait to tell you more about the case....sort of.
Monday, March 22, 2010
#15: I'm not lying
A while ago, around Christmas, Michael and I were looking for dollar stocking stuffers. We felt the best place to start would be Target. They have those AWESOME dollar bins and we figured we would be able to find a lot. I believe, though, Heavenly Father really needed us to give us a much needed blessing so Target ended up not being everything we wanted. While we were leaving I remembered seeing a 99 cent store kind of close to Target so I directed us that way. We figured that we would be able to find some funky stuff and it would be silly, we had no idea what we would really find. I can't exaggerate enough how awesome this 99 cent store is. There is a produce area, a freezer aisle. It has every cleaning supply you could ever need. Michael has bought several ties there as well. Long story short, it is now our new grocery store. There are only two things I can't buy there; milk and cereal.
Today we went grocery shopping and I decided I would "prove" to you how awesome this place actually is.
Notice my new cute belt. That is an 8 pack of eggs, perfect amount, and name brand air freshener.
Here you will find a bag of Kiwis and name brand brownies. Also in this picture is a bag of P.Nuttles. These are butter toffee peanuts and they are so awesome.
Here is all of our groceries, minus some duplicates. A grocery list that would of ended up being about $75 was only $40!
I do have to say, today was a good day.
Today we went grocery shopping and I decided I would "prove" to you how awesome this place actually is.
Notice my new cute belt. That is an 8 pack of eggs, perfect amount, and name brand air freshener.
Here you will find a bag of Kiwis and name brand brownies. Also in this picture is a bag of P.Nuttles. These are butter toffee peanuts and they are so awesome.
Here is all of our groceries, minus some duplicates. A grocery list that would of ended up being about $75 was only $40!
I do have to say, today was a good day.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Giving In and Seeking Help
Hello there blog stockers. I hope all is well. As most of you know by reading my blog daily, because I know you do, I'm in a little bit of a funk. You know the one where you feel over weight and under appreciated?!? How do you people get out of the funk? What is your way of making yourself feel better?
I could really use any thing to help. So let me know! :)
I could really use any thing to help. So let me know! :)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
#14: Boo to being sick
I'm sick today. :( I still had to work and that made it even worse. But I do have to say I'm proud of myself. I have to admit I had my not so proud moment of getting upset that a girl that calls in sick ALL.THE.TIME called in sick again so I had to stay and hour later than what I was planning on. But I was able to put that behind me and put a smile on my face and just get through work. I then came home and slept for about four hours and I will be taking Nyquil soon! Ya to weird dreams tonight.
Monday, March 15, 2010
#13
My Relief Society puts out a "reading assignment" every year. This year it's the Old Testament. I have decided that I am going to take the challenge and read the whole entire Old Testament. I got kind of behind but was able to catch up today.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
#12: A Journal Entry
Today I was able to make it to work and able to make it to church. I know that my paycheck will hurt and therefore we won't be able to pay some bills but I'm happy that it was slow enough at work that I got to go home. Especially since I was able to have this experience.
While I was waiting for the Sr. Primary to make their way upstairs to singing time I heard the spirit tell me to read an old journal entry. I didn't have one in mind but I instantly opened up to one that I needed to read. It's something I had forgotten but is really important in my life so I'm going to share it with you.
First some background info:
I have a friend who was going through a hard time. She was feeling really depressed and was having a really hard time with comparing herself against others. Whenever I am trying to help a friend I often write fake letters to them so I can clear my mind. I always write them in my journal so I can refer back. This is the letter I wrote to my friend:
"I just want to know that I love you. I know you struggle with feeling good about your accomplishments. I've been thinking a lot about those things you've said to me and I've pondered about those same feelings I once had. Here's a little story:
The other day I was driving home from work. My thoughts were being gathered and I was starting to leave work behind me. As you know, I've been having to defend my faith, my standards, and my marriage to an idiot I work with. I was trying to leave him at work when I started to realize how much of what he said didn't even affect me. I couldn't remember any time in my life when I could let someone else's words just role off my back. I started to wonder and dig deeper of why this didn't affect me. I soon realized that I had confidence in myself. I know my standards. I know who my Heavenly Father is. I know what my goals in life are. So, what someone else thinks doesn't even matter. I want to re-emphasize the fact that this it the first time in my life I have ever been so confident. I don't care that I'm not the best. I don't care that my talents are USELESS. I don't care. I care that I have a testimony of the true church. I care that I have a marriage that has been sealed by a true priesthood and under the proper authority. Mostly, I care for my goals and I know they are righteous goals. Since I know they are righteous. I know that Heavenly Father will help me reach those goals.
I know you struggle with depression and being confident- you have since before I knew you. I know I used to struggle with that and I know I don't now. So I'm going to share with you what I have done. You can take my advice or you can ignore me and think this is a waste of your time.
I have had to rely 100% on the Lord. I've never done that. I never saw a reason to do that and I really didn't ever want to be in that situation. But, needless to say, I had to rely on him. I would read my scriptures, very closely, so I could be close to the spirit. I had to spend many hours in prayer so He could know my needs. Through that I heard Him loudly and in every action.
After months of relying 100% on Him to help me and to help me stand on my own two feet I realized that I am a wonderful, strong person. I am a daughter of God and because of that I am an amazing. In almost everything here on Earth someone will be better at it than me. But the only thing that matters is my relationship with my Heavenly Father. So even though I enjoy cooking and cleaning what I focus most of my energy on is my relationship with Him. Because of that, I am confident."
I'm glad that Heavenly Father had me read this today. It's nice to have a reminder of what I've learned. This, I feel, is especially important.
While I was waiting for the Sr. Primary to make their way upstairs to singing time I heard the spirit tell me to read an old journal entry. I didn't have one in mind but I instantly opened up to one that I needed to read. It's something I had forgotten but is really important in my life so I'm going to share it with you.
First some background info:
I have a friend who was going through a hard time. She was feeling really depressed and was having a really hard time with comparing herself against others. Whenever I am trying to help a friend I often write fake letters to them so I can clear my mind. I always write them in my journal so I can refer back. This is the letter I wrote to my friend:
"I just want to know that I love you. I know you struggle with feeling good about your accomplishments. I've been thinking a lot about those things you've said to me and I've pondered about those same feelings I once had. Here's a little story:
The other day I was driving home from work. My thoughts were being gathered and I was starting to leave work behind me. As you know, I've been having to defend my faith, my standards, and my marriage to an idiot I work with. I was trying to leave him at work when I started to realize how much of what he said didn't even affect me. I couldn't remember any time in my life when I could let someone else's words just role off my back. I started to wonder and dig deeper of why this didn't affect me. I soon realized that I had confidence in myself. I know my standards. I know who my Heavenly Father is. I know what my goals in life are. So, what someone else thinks doesn't even matter. I want to re-emphasize the fact that this it the first time in my life I have ever been so confident. I don't care that I'm not the best. I don't care that my talents are USELESS. I don't care. I care that I have a testimony of the true church. I care that I have a marriage that has been sealed by a true priesthood and under the proper authority. Mostly, I care for my goals and I know they are righteous goals. Since I know they are righteous. I know that Heavenly Father will help me reach those goals.
I know you struggle with depression and being confident- you have since before I knew you. I know I used to struggle with that and I know I don't now. So I'm going to share with you what I have done. You can take my advice or you can ignore me and think this is a waste of your time.
I have had to rely 100% on the Lord. I've never done that. I never saw a reason to do that and I really didn't ever want to be in that situation. But, needless to say, I had to rely on him. I would read my scriptures, very closely, so I could be close to the spirit. I had to spend many hours in prayer so He could know my needs. Through that I heard Him loudly and in every action.
After months of relying 100% on Him to help me and to help me stand on my own two feet I realized that I am a wonderful, strong person. I am a daughter of God and because of that I am an amazing. In almost everything here on Earth someone will be better at it than me. But the only thing that matters is my relationship with my Heavenly Father. So even though I enjoy cooking and cleaning what I focus most of my energy on is my relationship with Him. Because of that, I am confident."
I'm glad that Heavenly Father had me read this today. It's nice to have a reminder of what I've learned. This, I feel, is especially important.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
#11 It's been a while
Today I went running. Let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with running.
There are very few things I love more in life than running. Something about the sound of my feet hitting the pavement is relaxing. The best thing about running is it's the only time I don't think much about anything. I just concentrate on making it to my mark. All I think is, "If you quit now, you are just a quitter." My mind is able to take some time to work out all the things I'm worried about with out me there to over think it. Then, when I'm done all my big worries don't seem so big anymore and I finally feel relaxed.
I then take the time to see how long I've run, 3.2 miles today, just to see how far I pushed myself. Even though I haven't ran in a little over 3 months I was able to run over three miles. All because of my little motto, "If you quit now, you are just a quitter." I first "came up" with this saying when I would run with my friend, Kristie, around the green belt in IF (Idaho Falls, my home town). Even though I made it up when I was so close to puking and passing out it has held me up through a lot of things.
I've always believed that everything in life is mind over matter. Sometimes I forget that I know that to be true and get really down about the world around me. Today, though, I remembered that there isn't anything I can't do.
There are very few things I love more in life than running. Something about the sound of my feet hitting the pavement is relaxing. The best thing about running is it's the only time I don't think much about anything. I just concentrate on making it to my mark. All I think is, "If you quit now, you are just a quitter." My mind is able to take some time to work out all the things I'm worried about with out me there to over think it. Then, when I'm done all my big worries don't seem so big anymore and I finally feel relaxed.
I then take the time to see how long I've run, 3.2 miles today, just to see how far I pushed myself. Even though I haven't ran in a little over 3 months I was able to run over three miles. All because of my little motto, "If you quit now, you are just a quitter." I first "came up" with this saying when I would run with my friend, Kristie, around the green belt in IF (Idaho Falls, my home town). Even though I made it up when I was so close to puking and passing out it has held me up through a lot of things.
I've always believed that everything in life is mind over matter. Sometimes I forget that I know that to be true and get really down about the world around me. Today, though, I remembered that there isn't anything I can't do.
Friday, March 12, 2010
#10 I hate mid month
The middle of the month is always really hard for me. It's usually about when my body becomes used to the amount of insulin I'm taking and I start to run a little bit higher than usual. This always makes me a little on edge until I get it under control (blood sugar wise, that is.) At the exact same time, I think they are connected, I am dealing with PMS which makes me sad/emotional. Then Michael starts to "feed" off of me being sad and mad and becomes distant: can you blame him? I can't. Since Michael is distancing himself from the monster forming inside of me I become even more emotional, only making the situation worse. I'm sure a lot of those ladies out there can feel my pain.
Today I decided that I have to clean or else our house would explode because of how messy it was. Michael and I are both really busy so it's kind of getting out of our control, the house work that is. Through all of my emotion throughout the day I was kind of high strung. I'm proud of myself because I actually was able to hide it from Michael. I'm sure he sensed I was tired but I don't think he realizes how on the edge I actually was. But I just did my cleaning and it soon put a smile on my face. I lost my edge and was able to hold a good conversation with Michael; with out blowing up.
For those of you who don't know me as well as others you may think that this isn't that great of an accomplishment. So I will fill you in a little bit. I have never been one to hold in what is on my mind. I usually say what I'm feeling at the moment no matter how true it is or if it will hurt someone or not. But I've been trying to become a lot better at it. And look I held it all in today!
Today I decided that I have to clean or else our house would explode because of how messy it was. Michael and I are both really busy so it's kind of getting out of our control, the house work that is. Through all of my emotion throughout the day I was kind of high strung. I'm proud of myself because I actually was able to hide it from Michael. I'm sure he sensed I was tired but I don't think he realizes how on the edge I actually was. But I just did my cleaning and it soon put a smile on my face. I lost my edge and was able to hold a good conversation with Michael; with out blowing up.
For those of you who don't know me as well as others you may think that this isn't that great of an accomplishment. So I will fill you in a little bit. I have never been one to hold in what is on my mind. I usually say what I'm feeling at the moment no matter how true it is or if it will hurt someone or not. But I've been trying to become a lot better at it. And look I held it all in today!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
#9: Called to Serve
I want to start out by saying how grateful I am that the Holy Ghost is so close to us. I sometimes feel like I'm having a conversation with myself when I realize it's the spirit talking to me. It's so nice to just sit and quietly listen as I get great ideas and I continue to receive comfort. It helps me realize how close my Heavenly Father actually is.
Today I had those woe is me moments. I "realized" that I do so much for so many people and they are so "selfish" and "never" give anything back. I thought, "There are only so many times I can serve. I'm just going to stop serving others because it just sucks." I was then sweetly put in my place. I realized that I don't serve others because I need a reward from them. I serve others for my Heavenly Father and for me. So what if I don't ever get any reward from the person I am serving; my real reward I get is eternal.
And, just for the record, I do get a reward from those I serve. Sometimes it's harder to see than others.
Today I had those woe is me moments. I "realized" that I do so much for so many people and they are so "selfish" and "never" give anything back. I thought, "There are only so many times I can serve. I'm just going to stop serving others because it just sucks." I was then sweetly put in my place. I realized that I don't serve others because I need a reward from them. I serve others for my Heavenly Father and for me. So what if I don't ever get any reward from the person I am serving; my real reward I get is eternal.
And, just for the record, I do get a reward from those I serve. Sometimes it's harder to see than others.
#8 Just pretend
So as I was falling asleep last night I remembered that I didn't post my blog. I had thought about what I wanted to blog about but I was soooo tired. So just pretend that I posted this last night and deal with the fact that I will be posting two today. :)
I had the opportunity to spend my late afternoon with a good friend. Irene is one of the greatest people I know. She is always willing to do so much for other people and is always there to make me feel better. For a couple of weeks Irene has been really stressed out. She has been having some up and down issues and has been needing a friend. So, I took the opportunity to spend the afternoon with her. We went bathing suit shopping and it was a blast. We both got to laugh and let go. It's always great to spend time with friends.
I had the opportunity to spend my late afternoon with a good friend. Irene is one of the greatest people I know. She is always willing to do so much for other people and is always there to make me feel better. For a couple of weeks Irene has been really stressed out. She has been having some up and down issues and has been needing a friend. So, I took the opportunity to spend the afternoon with her. We went bathing suit shopping and it was a blast. We both got to laugh and let go. It's always great to spend time with friends.
Monday, March 8, 2010
#7: Just Hum Your Favorite Hymn
I spent the majority of my day, today, in a courtroom. I was going through the painful process of jury selection. I heard a lot of the same questions and a lot of the same answers over and over and over again. The case that the jury is going to be over is not a pretty case. The lawyers asked us a lot of questions concerning the case and it was a little disturbing.
Instead of feeling all icky about it I just decided to hum my favorite hymn. I would choose a different hymn and sing as much of it as I knew over and over again. Because of this I was able to concentrate better on the questions that were asked to me specifically. I also think that it helped me be more at the Lord's will when deciding how to answer the questions. If that makes any sense.
I am so grateful that I know enough hymns that I was able to fulfill my needs for about six hours. It's amazing what a blessing music is in my life. I'm glad I can recognize that.
Instead of feeling all icky about it I just decided to hum my favorite hymn. I would choose a different hymn and sing as much of it as I knew over and over again. Because of this I was able to concentrate better on the questions that were asked to me specifically. I also think that it helped me be more at the Lord's will when deciding how to answer the questions. If that makes any sense.
I am so grateful that I know enough hymns that I was able to fulfill my needs for about six hours. It's amazing what a blessing music is in my life. I'm glad I can recognize that.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
#6 This isn't working out
For starters: I'm sorry that yesterday I missed my post. I was having some major issues and I took a muscle relaxer and fell asleep at about 6:00.
Now to the blog: the point of this day to day blogging thing was supposed to be something that I could take control of and feel better about. Instead I'm just stressed out and counting calories all day. When you are counting calories you can get really down on yourself thinking about how much you eat. So, I need a change.
Today was fast Sunday. I was trying to find something to fast about. Of course there are a million and one things that I can fast about but I like to be really specific and I was looking for something, dare I say, selfish. I have been really down lately. I realized that it's a mixture of a lot of things and I didn't really know how to narrow it. I then remembered a conversation that I had with a close friend. He was having a hard time adjusting to his situation. I told him that the best thing to do is to "Keep moving forward." This is a quote from Walt Disney that has pushed me and Michael ever since we heard it. I told my friend that nothing can happen when you are standing still and the Lord wants us progressing daily. In the same thought process I realized that I feel I am at a standstill. We are in a strange limbo where Michael is so close to be done with school. I kind of know why this makes things so "stand stillish" for me but a lot of it is a little to personal to explain to my wide fan base. So, as I was thinking about all this...let's be honest...this morning when I realized it was fast Sunday I knew what I needed to fast for. I decided that I needed help feeling like I am moving forward despite the fact that some things are just going to have to stand still.
I think the Lord knows me a little bit better than I know myself. I have been wrong before but that hunch feels right. ;) I think he knew why I have been feeling down and has been waiting for me to ask how to help feel better. I think this because my answer came as clear as a bell in Sacrament Meeting today. What I realized:
The best way to feel like your moving forward is to try to become a better person each and every day. If you are constantly trying to better yourself than that is the best way to move forward because that's how things just fall into place. (Thank you for that Sarah.) So instead of focusing on my weight and the way I look, even though I am still going to continue to do on the side, I'm going to try and "Keep moving forward." I am going to find, each day, what I did that made a difference. Whether it be something as big as share the Gospel or change someone's life or as small as reading my scriptures or preparing for Primary. I want to clarify that I am NOT trying to out do anyone. I'm NOT trying to flaunt anything. I am just simply trying to be happier. So, I start with today.
I love my calling. (primary chorister) I love preparing for my singing time and I can honestly say it's my happiest and best 20 minutes of my week. This month in Primary the kids are learning about Prophets so they are learning the song Follow the Prophet. I'm fortunate enough to continue to get inspiration for my singing time. I think I have a very...tender group of kids who really need something stable and I know church can do that for them. So I think the Lord really helps me out. The inspiration that came to me this month was to have the kids act out the story from the scriptures to learn the verse. This week we are learning about Daniel. So I had them open up their scriptures to Daniel 6. Eight kids acted out the story and we learned the verse together. My goal was reached. Each kid was engaged and wanting to learn. They were all on the edge of their seats eager to see what happened next. I know I am making a difference in those kids lives and that means more to me than anything else.
Now to the blog: the point of this day to day blogging thing was supposed to be something that I could take control of and feel better about. Instead I'm just stressed out and counting calories all day. When you are counting calories you can get really down on yourself thinking about how much you eat. So, I need a change.
Today was fast Sunday. I was trying to find something to fast about. Of course there are a million and one things that I can fast about but I like to be really specific and I was looking for something, dare I say, selfish. I have been really down lately. I realized that it's a mixture of a lot of things and I didn't really know how to narrow it. I then remembered a conversation that I had with a close friend. He was having a hard time adjusting to his situation. I told him that the best thing to do is to "Keep moving forward." This is a quote from Walt Disney that has pushed me and Michael ever since we heard it. I told my friend that nothing can happen when you are standing still and the Lord wants us progressing daily. In the same thought process I realized that I feel I am at a standstill. We are in a strange limbo where Michael is so close to be done with school. I kind of know why this makes things so "stand stillish" for me but a lot of it is a little to personal to explain to my wide fan base. So, as I was thinking about all this...let's be honest...this morning when I realized it was fast Sunday I knew what I needed to fast for. I decided that I needed help feeling like I am moving forward despite the fact that some things are just going to have to stand still.
I think the Lord knows me a little bit better than I know myself. I have been wrong before but that hunch feels right. ;) I think he knew why I have been feeling down and has been waiting for me to ask how to help feel better. I think this because my answer came as clear as a bell in Sacrament Meeting today. What I realized:
The best way to feel like your moving forward is to try to become a better person each and every day. If you are constantly trying to better yourself than that is the best way to move forward because that's how things just fall into place. (Thank you for that Sarah.) So instead of focusing on my weight and the way I look, even though I am still going to continue to do on the side, I'm going to try and "Keep moving forward." I am going to find, each day, what I did that made a difference. Whether it be something as big as share the Gospel or change someone's life or as small as reading my scriptures or preparing for Primary. I want to clarify that I am NOT trying to out do anyone. I'm NOT trying to flaunt anything. I am just simply trying to be happier. So, I start with today.
I love my calling. (primary chorister) I love preparing for my singing time and I can honestly say it's my happiest and best 20 minutes of my week. This month in Primary the kids are learning about Prophets so they are learning the song Follow the Prophet. I'm fortunate enough to continue to get inspiration for my singing time. I think I have a very...tender group of kids who really need something stable and I know church can do that for them. So I think the Lord really helps me out. The inspiration that came to me this month was to have the kids act out the story from the scriptures to learn the verse. This week we are learning about Daniel. So I had them open up their scriptures to Daniel 6. Eight kids acted out the story and we learned the verse together. My goal was reached. Each kid was engaged and wanting to learn. They were all on the edge of their seats eager to see what happened next. I know I am making a difference in those kids lives and that means more to me than anything else.
Friday, March 5, 2010
#5
I had a pretty good day today. I ate a lot and I ate well. I was planning on working out but then I ate some bad rice and now I feel like hurling. Since I feel so sick and I would rather not think about food I'm not going to type out what I have eaten today. It was, pretty much, a lot of cereal and leftovers from yesterday's dinner.
Think happy...not sick...thoughts for me.
Think happy...not sick...thoughts for me.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
#4: Figuring things out
Alright people I think I got this!
Today was a good day. Work was rather busy but it's because it was sunny and warm. I ate a lot more today and I did have a lot more energy; it's funny how that works. I thought a lot today about sweets. I learned in my nutrition class that I took like 3 years ago that you need not deprive yourself of the stuff that is bad for you; such as candy, pizza, cheeseburgers, etc. Instead, you need to not eat as much. If you deprive yourself completely you will one day not be able to handle it and eat way too much. Make sense? So I decided that I will have a little bit of sweet everyday.
I have good news on the job front. I'm not going to give too much away because it's a lot to explain and I'm not sure what will actually happen. But, I'm going to be getting a new job soon for sure. There are two places that are interested in me and we'll see where I end up!
Hope you all had a good day. Here's what I ate:
Breakfast: Mango and Peach Topper from Jamba...go try one. 360 Cal
Lunch: Bologna Sandwich: 240 Cal
Dinner: Rice with Creamy Veggies: 284 Cal
Brownie: 151 Cal...pretty unbelievable
Total: 1035 Cal
I did 339 Ab workouts
Today was a good day. Work was rather busy but it's because it was sunny and warm. I ate a lot more today and I did have a lot more energy; it's funny how that works. I thought a lot today about sweets. I learned in my nutrition class that I took like 3 years ago that you need not deprive yourself of the stuff that is bad for you; such as candy, pizza, cheeseburgers, etc. Instead, you need to not eat as much. If you deprive yourself completely you will one day not be able to handle it and eat way too much. Make sense? So I decided that I will have a little bit of sweet everyday.
I have good news on the job front. I'm not going to give too much away because it's a lot to explain and I'm not sure what will actually happen. But, I'm going to be getting a new job soon for sure. There are two places that are interested in me and we'll see where I end up!
Hope you all had a good day. Here's what I ate:
Breakfast: Mango and Peach Topper from Jamba...go try one. 360 Cal
Lunch: Bologna Sandwich: 240 Cal
Dinner: Rice with Creamy Veggies: 284 Cal
Brownie: 151 Cal...pretty unbelievable
Total: 1035 Cal
I did 339 Ab workouts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
#3: My Happy Medium
Today was a loooong day. Yes, all the "o's" are necessary. Today I had to drive to Hayward to fulfill my right as an American citizen and go to jury selection. It's really not that bad of an experience. I went to a big room with a bunch of people. From that bunch they separated us into groups and each group was called down to their courtroom separately. My group was assigned to a criminal case. In the courtroom we met the judge and were told a little bit about the case and how long it would last. We were then asked to leave and fill out a questionnaire. After we filled that out we were free to leave and unless we were contacted we were to show up at court at 9:00 on Monday. The trial would last about 10-12 days. In this courtroom language this means 4 weeks. Now, if we wanted a legal hardship/deferment we had to have a one on one interview with the judge at 1:30.
After I finished my questionnaire it was 10:15 and I needed to come back for that interview. See, here in Cali they don't pay you crap for jury duty and I can't afford it. Luckily, there is a Panera Bread in Hayward so I went there for a few hours. It was nice to sit and relax and talk to a couple of friends but I really wanted to go home. Instead I went back to the courtroom at 1:30 to have my interview. I can say that, by far, this was the scariest part. I sat in the jury box and the judge, the clerk, the lady who types everything, and 3 lawyers were staring at me. I stated my case and the judge informed me that since I work for a corporation there is a pretty good chance that they will pay me. So unless I'm called...I'm stuck. But if I serve it won't be that bad and I will deal with it. Maybe I'll tell you more about it's over.
So, because it turned out to be such a long day I didn't work out, but that's ok, right? This is what I ate:
Breakfast: Eggs and Toast 240 Cal
Lunch: 1/2 Garden Salad and Cup of Black Bean Soup with Chips and a pastry 450 Cal
Dinner: Honey Nut Cherrios 150 Cal
Total: 840 Cal
I feel like today was a normal eating day. I guess I just don't realize how much I don't eat. This is a good learning experience because it helps me realize why I don't have a lot of energy. So, in a weird way I need to try to eat more.
After I finished my questionnaire it was 10:15 and I needed to come back for that interview. See, here in Cali they don't pay you crap for jury duty and I can't afford it. Luckily, there is a Panera Bread in Hayward so I went there for a few hours. It was nice to sit and relax and talk to a couple of friends but I really wanted to go home. Instead I went back to the courtroom at 1:30 to have my interview. I can say that, by far, this was the scariest part. I sat in the jury box and the judge, the clerk, the lady who types everything, and 3 lawyers were staring at me. I stated my case and the judge informed me that since I work for a corporation there is a pretty good chance that they will pay me. So unless I'm called...I'm stuck. But if I serve it won't be that bad and I will deal with it. Maybe I'll tell you more about it's over.
So, because it turned out to be such a long day I didn't work out, but that's ok, right? This is what I ate:
Breakfast: Eggs and Toast 240 Cal
Lunch: 1/2 Garden Salad and Cup of Black Bean Soup with Chips and a pastry 450 Cal
Dinner: Honey Nut Cherrios 150 Cal
Total: 840 Cal
I feel like today was a normal eating day. I guess I just don't realize how much I don't eat. This is a good learning experience because it helps me realize why I don't have a lot of energy. So, in a weird way I need to try to eat more.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
#2:Learning Curve
I did a lot of thinking while my tummy was grumbling and I was falling asleep. I want to explain some. The reason I ate so low amount of calories is because someone, who is credible, told me that if I want to loose wait I needed to eat 1,000 calories a day. I figured that eating a little less than that couldn't be that bad. I then realized that if I weighed even 6 lbs less than I do now I would only weigh 112 lbs. This is not a healthy weight for someone my height.
The reason I really want to take control of my weight is because I seem to of lost control of other things around me and I need some control in order remain sane. In high school I did this same thing but I was a little too exaggerated about it and went a little anorexic. I'm not telling you this for sympathy or for deep confession but just so that you could gain a better understanding. I have to be really careful because I really could be one of those girls who would only be happy when they hit 0 lbs. I know this sounds crazy but it's because of my dad. Another sob story that I don't want nor do I expect any sympathy for. But no need to worry...
In bed I realized that I am at a really healthy weight. I look good and I feel good. I just need to eat healthier and work out so that I can have some nice abs. This is when I hit a gray area. How do I control with out going overboard? I know it seems nice and obvious to you but I only know the two extremes.
That being said this is what I ate today/what I am eating for dinner:
Breakfast: Honey Nut Cherrios, Toast, & Fruit Cup 250 Cal
Lunch: Sierra Turkey from Panera Bread 970 Cal - NOT HEALTHY!!!
Asiago Foccacia Bread, Turkey, Chipotle Mayo, Field Greens, Red Onion, and Tomatoes
Snack: Granola Bar 88 Cal
Dinner: Another bowl of Honey Nut Cherrios and fruit (Michael is gone tonight). 200 Cal
Grand Total: 1508 Calories Daily goal: 1100-1500
I will be doing 1 hr abs later. :) Feel the burn.
The reason I really want to take control of my weight is because I seem to of lost control of other things around me and I need some control in order remain sane. In high school I did this same thing but I was a little too exaggerated about it and went a little anorexic. I'm not telling you this for sympathy or for deep confession but just so that you could gain a better understanding. I have to be really careful because I really could be one of those girls who would only be happy when they hit 0 lbs. I know this sounds crazy but it's because of my dad. Another sob story that I don't want nor do I expect any sympathy for. But no need to worry...
In bed I realized that I am at a really healthy weight. I look good and I feel good. I just need to eat healthier and work out so that I can have some nice abs. This is when I hit a gray area. How do I control with out going overboard? I know it seems nice and obvious to you but I only know the two extremes.
That being said this is what I ate today/what I am eating for dinner:
Breakfast: Honey Nut Cherrios, Toast, & Fruit Cup 250 Cal
Lunch: Sierra Turkey from Panera Bread 970 Cal - NOT HEALTHY!!!
Asiago Foccacia Bread, Turkey, Chipotle Mayo, Field Greens, Red Onion, and Tomatoes
Snack: Granola Bar 88 Cal
Dinner: Another bowl of Honey Nut Cherrios and fruit (Michael is gone tonight). 200 Cal
Grand Total: 1508 Calories Daily goal: 1100-1500
I will be doing 1 hr abs later. :) Feel the burn.
Monday, March 1, 2010
#1: I hope I keep going strong
Today started out as a really good day. I ate more than I was planning on but that's because I didn't realize how much I had to actually eat. Another thing I didn't realize is how much crap is so yummy in the grocery store. It was hard to say no while grocery shopping today but I did it. I didn't even grab a candy bar while I was waiting in line. :)
I think I'm off to something great.
Exercise:
I did 60 minutes of Plyometrics with P90X. This is an awesome work out program that kicks your butt. I worked my legs and buttox today.
Food:
Breakfast: 1 C. Honey Nut Cherrios and Toast 170 Calories
Lunch: Egg salad sandwhich 280 Calories
Snack: Granola Bar 88 Calories
Dinner: Chicken with rice and steamed veggies 240 Calories
Dessert: Yogurt with fruit salad 95 Calories
Total: 873 Calories
I think I'm off to something great.
Exercise:
I did 60 minutes of Plyometrics with P90X. This is an awesome work out program that kicks your butt. I worked my legs and buttox today.
Food:
Breakfast: 1 C. Honey Nut Cherrios and Toast 170 Calories
Lunch: Egg salad sandwhich 280 Calories
Snack: Granola Bar 88 Calories
Dinner: Chicken with rice and steamed veggies 240 Calories
Dessert: Yogurt with fruit salad 95 Calories
Total: 873 Calories
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