Ugh...school

I hate student loans. Correction, I hate Sallie Mae. When I went to culinary school I got all of my loans through Sallie Mae. Some of them were federal loans and most of them were private loans. My federal loans are currently all bundled together under a blanket with my loans from ISU patiently waiting for next September when repayment starts. My private loans, on the other hand, are making me crazy.

Today I accidentally left my phone at home. Usually, I take my phone with me to work and turn it off when I am working. But today it was at home. When I got home I had seven, S.E.V.E.N, missed calls all from Sallie Mae. They have been harassing me over the past month because my private loans are $1800 past due. I know you are thinking, "Wow Luanne that is so many months of not paying your loans." No, no, only two. You see Sallie Mae thinks that I can afford $700/month payments. They won't work with me on refinancing and won't budge on anything. I have tried forbearing my loans in the past but can't do it now. Pretty much I'm screwed. Today I dealt with Sallie Mae for a while and was so upset by the end. I decided to take a shower to help cool me off.

In my shower I thought about a lot of stuff. I want to share.

The original plan:
When Michael and I got married in Dec. '06 we decided we would have Michael go to one more year of schooling at ISU and start having babies! We would then move to Cali in Aug..ish '08 so he could start school for his MGD.

What actually happened:
We came to Emeryville to check out Michael's school in July '07. We decided, since we were in the neighborhood, we would check out my school. They recommended me to start school Oct. of that same year. After much thought and prayer we decided to put off the baby thing until Michael got a job after school, we packed up all our possessions, and moved away from our families and the only place we've ever really known to expensive California. I started school right away and Michael soon followed.

Moving to California when we did was the best thing that has ever happened to us. Living in Idaho for another year would have been a waste of time and money at ISU. We needed to move away from family. We needed to get to know each other better and learn to trust each other before we start a family. We needed to meet the people we have met. We needed to get to know people that have given Michael so much advice about applying in the industry. And the biggest thing is I NEEDED to finish school. I can't emphasize enough how much I needed to finish school. I know it was important, no matter what I went to school for, and I wouldn't of done it if we had a baby.

So you see. Us going to Cali when we did and me going to school were essential in our lives. So, in my mind, it's only logical that going to the CCA was a good step in my path. I know that it wasn't accident that we decided to visit my school while we were down here visiting.

Drawing these two points together:
I know Heavenly Father creates good times and trials in our lives. I know that through trials we grow and become better. But why did I go to a school that I can't and never will be able to afford? I'm 22 and Michael is 25 and we are inches away from screwing up our credit. I know that in 10 years from know I will remember this blog and my shower today and laugh because this trial I am going through right now will make a lot of sense. But it's hard right now.

I do want to end by saying that because I went to school I will be blessed for the rest of my life. Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and will take care of me and my family because Michael and I listened to the spirit. I can't deny that.